MEMORIAL STATEMENTS FROM THE FAMILY ABOUT AUGGIE

The family at a Big Bear diner, Boxing Day, 2015.

The following statements were read for the family at the memorial service.

FROM HIS FATHER JEFF MALLINSON

There was a moment after Auggie was born that I had the chance to be alone with my new son. I was exhausted but grateful for the opportunity to simply lie down on the floor and cuddle him. The joy I felt was inexpressible.

I’ve been a professor who’s dealt with the history philosophy and religion for quite a while. My sense was that, like Monarch butterflies whose migration lasts generations, if I could at least get part way down the Way, Auggie could pick up the torch and take the light further into the darkness, for future generations, whatever that might mean.

I never anticipated that he would be the one to bring light to me in so many ways. He turned me on to more historical and philosophical ideas than I will have time in my own life to follow up with. Most importantly, he helped me make sense of the importance of the idea that you should think what you think you should think, do what you know you should do, feel what you truly feel, and always let your conscience be your guide. 

One day, when I was wrestling with an ethical question, he tapped both of my shoulders with two fingers of each hand. I asked him what he was doing. He told me that’s what a conscience feels like. He was thinking about those cartoons in which an angel is on one shoulder and a demon is on the other. When I asked him the practical meaning—and he was maybe ten years old at the time—his answer was clear. He said: “You know what to do. You just don’t know if you have the courage to do it.” I’ve always tried to do justice to his insights, but only recently have I come close to the courage to which he pointed me so long ago.

We didn’t always focus on abstractions. We as a family all lived this embodied existence together, though Auggie always was the best at keeping us in touch with the present moment and its possibilities. 

We traveled the world together, hiking through jungles of Central America, enjoying late night food in Hong Kong, eating ceviche in Baja, and foraging in the Cascades. Later, he would make  me proud as an artist of flavor, served for all the tastebuds of God.

But a particularly great treasure he gave me was philosophical.

There is an inscription at a monastery at Mount Athos that reads: 

IF YOU DIE BEFORE YOU DIE, YOU WON’T HAVE TO DIE WHEN YOU DIE

However one might interpret this old statement, Auggie embodied it. He taught me that, in order for your true self to flourish, you must let go of the unhelpful tendency to cling to ego. He didn’t want to just talk or write about philosophy or be known as a great artist. He wanted to truly understand wisdom and truly create embodied art. 

One of the last great memories I have of our rich time together was when I got to see him, along with Stacie and Sydnie, creating drinks at Mix Mix. When I tasted what he made for us, I realized it wasn’t just a dad’s desire to praise his son’s work, I genuinely realized that he had made something worth savoring. I was proud. 

Of course, I was always proud of him. I was proud of how much he loved and protected his brother. I was delighted to see the joy in his eyes when he beheld the love of his life, Sydnie. I was delighted when I met the young people who had been ignored or scorned by society who said he had been a uniquely supportive presence. 

This Saturday, December 4, 2021, I carried my son to his grave in Joshua Tree Memorial Park, along with my brothers Mark and Scott, my son Aidan, and his friends Tristan, Alex, Jadd, and Jeremy. Stacie, Sydnie, and our dear Mana held each other, surrounded by our intimate group of supporters as we grieved a deep grief. 

It was the most painful day of my life. It was also filled with inexpressible love. There was an ancient beauty to the event. Faithful to his wishes, we gave him a natural, ecologically ethical burial. We did this at a place dear to our family. Indeed, my skin bears tattoos commemorating a spiritual moment Auggie, Sydnie, Stacie, Aidan, and I shared in Joshua Tree that read [TEXT] We got a poster of that same image to decorate the inside of our truck camper. 

His resting site is just a short drive from Sunfair [ROAD?], where we all saw Melana Cadiz, on who’s album Sunfair includes the song the “Shape of Things” which includes these lines:

This is the shape of things

the joy and ache of things

all bound to break against

our very last defense

this is the shape of things

Joshua tree is where we bonded as a family many times. First, we camped there when we firt moved down from Washington. We would create our own little kingdom a couple more times at the music festival to just sit and be ourselves. Joshua Tree later was a place for Auggie and Sydnie to sit under the stars. It was a place for their friends to gather for a sacred respite from the rest of life’s pressures. On this last Saturday night, we drove onto BLM land to camp once again, with a bonfire that lasted till the early morning. So I love that place.

But Joshua Tree is also where I knelt on the dust—dust that we had all shoveled onto his shrouded body—and where I covered my head in sand and touched my forehead to the earth. I felt the same love as I did at that time when I cuddled him as a baby on the ground, but it was exponentially magnified. Along with that love was a grief I not only have never felt before, but something I never had conceived. My chest was bursting within me. I thought I’d collapse. The only thing I could do was to repeat a line from a hat he picked up in Portland this summer:

BREATHE IN JOY

BREATHE OUT PEACE

I was almost angry at myself for allowing these words into my mind, as if they were a cheap coping mechanism. But I was comforted that Auggie would have told me that despite the sorrow I was feeling, the joy was the joy. The joy is the joy. And the peace transcends understanding.

I’m not sure I’ll ever fully understand what my baby knew. But I intend to never give up hope that I might one day understand the wisdom of my little Saint Augustine. 

FROM HIS MOTHER STACIE

Auggie my love, my baby, I am so honored to have been your mom. You had this beautiful way of expressing your true self and I was always in awe of you as I watched you experience life. You always explored so many different things from sailing, to music, art, graphic design, philosophy, history, your love of the Chicago World Fair and especially your love of great food and cocktails. I trusted you, more than myself, to order for me whenever we went out.  

I am so honored to have witnessed your deep care and love for Aidan and especially Sydnie and for all those who crossed your path that were lonely and needed a friend. You and Sydnie together had a unique ability to “see” those who needed help and you’d both do everything in your power to help them. You were a beautiful source of love and hope to those that find themselves in the cracks of this world. I cannot be prouder of your sincerity, love of the small traditions, and courage to have the difficult conversations so that we could find healing. 

I’ll never forget the many great memories that we had as a family, especially all the times hanging out in the atrium. I loved overhearing you and Syd singing together into the late hours of the morning. I loved our trip to Mexico and the Christmas of 2018 where we all spent time together at the property with little baby Bindi, it is one of the most (if not the most) cherished memories of my life, while we sat around the fire, and you all showed me what love, being present, honesty and finding healing is all about. And the following Christmas, where you all, and especially Auggie, brought merry-making and reminded Dad and I what the true gift of Christmas was as we played board games and watched Disney movies together.

I will always treasure our recent memories including our trip with you and Syd to Vegas and I will be forever grateful for our alone shopping adventure to Costco a few weeks ago. We had such great conversation; I never knew being at Costco could be so much fun and I was so looking forward to our next adventure that was supposed to happen on Monday the day after this nightmare began.

You were taken from us way too soon, and the hole and the pain is so unfathomably deep. 

Chapter 33 of the Tao Te Ching feels like it was written while observing your life and how you lived each day.

Appreciate what you have 

right in front of you

and you’ll realize 

your abundance.

Pursue your true calling 

and you’ll be unstoppable.

Maintain your integrity 

and you won’t lose heart.

Your legacy of love 

will endure forever. 

Everything else will

turn to ashes.

You taught me how to appreciate what is right in front of me and I’m so sorry for all the times I took you for granted, that I worried about money instead of just being in the moment. I know that this world is a better place because of you, that I am a better person because of you. Thank you for your beautiful legacy of love and teaching me what it means to truly surf the Tao.

FROM HIS BROTHER AIDAN

I am forever indebted to my brother Auggie. Despite being four years older than me, I never felt excluded or left behind. I knew that no matter what life threw at us, we would be okay as long as we had each other. I knew that his love was unconditional, and that he would always be there for me.

It forever pains me to walk into a future without him by my side, a future we were excited to weave as we entered a new chapter of our lives. But we continue to walk, and while there are so many steps I wish we could have shared, I hope to walk for the both of us. Each step and breath I have remaining in this life is devoted to the love and memory of my beautiful brother.

BY HIS DEAR LOVE SYDNIE

Auggie was my inspiration, my best friend, my soul mate and a constant ray of sunshine in my life. He was so young and yet so incredibly wise. He knew exactly what mattered to him and knew who he was. He believed in the beauty of life’s small pleasures, such as seeing the sunset and expressing your love through art. 

Something he said in his parents’ podcast that deeply impacted me was that “If you can help one person in this universe, and be a hero to them, that is probably the best chance you’re going to get at being a hero in this life.” 

I will always miss him. I do not know how to comprehend this loss, but all I do know is that to honor him I must try to create beauty in this existence I have. Hold your loved ones close. Don’t take anything for granted, and live your life authentically. Only care about the things that really matter, because every beautiful moment is both temporary and also eternal.

FROM HIS HONORARY SISTER MANA NIKJOU

Kindness, Love, and Acceptance!

3 words that are so simple yet so deep!

From the day one that I met Mallinson’s family and become their “adopted daughter” they made me feel the deepness of these simple words. 

You know, the world is broken already! But there are people in it like Mallinson’s family, like Auggie, who are trying to make it a better place.

Auggie…. Oh Auggie… was living these 3 words!

He was kind to everyone no matter what!!! No matter what is their gender, their race, their ethnicity, their color, their language…. He was nice and kind to anyone! And if you ever lived in the Global Village at Concordia University, you had a chance to witness this from close!

He loved everyone!! From the love of his life Sydney, to his brother Aidan, Jeff and Stacie, his family, friends… Everyone! He loved everyone and accepted everyone!! 

He was smart, so smart! And knew so many things that not so many people can understand and comprehend; but he would never look down on you or make you feel dumb for not knowing them.

He was funny and fun to be around.

He always made me feel welcomed and I think if you were ever with him, in any way, in any group, that’s how he made you feel too! 

Auggie was a great human being with a great soul and from now on, the world is going to miss him; but also from now on heaven is so lucky to have him in it! 

We love you so much Auggie 

Rest In Peace Brother